3 May 2026 · product · philosophy
Notes on building a quiet product
Most consumer software is built to be noisy. Notifications, streaks, gamified loops. PotentialSpouse is the opposite. Some thoughts on how, and why.
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The Essays.
Quiet writing about marriage, anti-recognition, and the dimensions of compatibility that nobody else is bothering to ask about.
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26 April 2026 · matching · ai · philosophy
You don't need an algorithm to fall in love. You need a filter.
The matchmaking industry has spent two decades selling proprietary compatibility scores. We do not have one. Here is why the absence is the feature.
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19 April 2026 · privacy · product
Codename, not name: how to date when your community has eyes
We removed real names from the platform. Every user is identified by a generated codename. Here is what that fixes, and what it costs.
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12 April 2026 · marriage · faith
What does "equally yoked" actually mean?
The phrase comes from a single line in 2 Corinthians. It is older than English. It is also, when read carefully, a remarkably practical piece of advice.
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5 April 2026 · marriage · compatibility
Modern vs traditional marriage: twelve dimensions to agree on first
Marriage is not one thing. It is twelve different agreements that two people make about how they will run a life together. Here they are.
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29 March 2026 · health · community
Sickle cell and marriage: a conversation that saves children
In communities where sickle cell is endemic, your genotype matters more than the colour of your hair. Most matchmaking software pretends otherwise.
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22 March 2026 · matching · product
Why we let users exclude potential matches
A defense of negative preferences. Most platforms hide them under euphemism. We surface them deliberately, in five categories where they matter most.
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15 March 2026 · privacy · product
The matchmaker's privacy contract: why we don't show photos
Photos are the single biggest reason people avoid online matchmaking. Removing them is not a feature — it is the contract.
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